An Ode To Straight People During Pride Week
Some rules to abide by.
There’s always a certain magic about late June in Toronto. It’s the sight of the spectrum of vibrant colours on flags that hang from every window. It’s the sound of pulsing dance music that pulses through the downtown core. It’s the smell of blooming flowers and poppers in the air.
It’s the feeling of Pride.
Toronto is arguably one of the gayest cities in the world, so you best believe that come time for our annual Pride parade, we go all out to celebrate all of us that have come out. This year, however, will be particularly more interesting, as it serves as the sequel to the dramatic events of last year.
As I’m sure most of you remember, the 2016 Toronto Pride Parade was brought to a brief halt as the Black Lives Matter movement took a defiant protest against Pride Toronto for their unequal treatment of black, indigenous and Asian group members of Pride Toronto, as well as their involvement with Toronto’s police department.
Almost a year after the controversial protest, tensions continue to run high as the public waits to see whether or not Toronto’s police officers will be allowed to participate in the Pride march or not. I myself have a very strong opinion on the matter. I’ve shared that opinion with members of the LGBTQ community, and some have agreed with me while others have strictly disagreed — which is fine. As a community it is important for us to have these conversations and share our thoughts with one another on issues that affect us all directly.
With that being said, I have also been seeing many of my straight friends weighing in on the matter, sometimes even more passionately than myself or other members of the LGBTQ community. The level of passion is nice to see, but straight people, I say this as lovingly as possible: no one gives a fuck what you think.
The main argument I’ve been seeing heterosexual people make as to why police officers should be a part of the parade is because Pride is about “inclusiveness, love, and acceptance.” Not for nothing, but, like…that is the straightest statement ever. Like, you have to be really, really straight to say something like that. I’m not going to give you an entire queer lesson regarding the history of Pride, but what you mainly need to know is that it started as an anti-police protest following a raid on a gay bar, which led to a riot started by a black transgendered woman who threw her shoes through a window. We loved ourselves already, we included members into our community already, and we accepted ourselves already. What we were doing was saying that it was time for the rest of the world to do the same for us because we were done waiting for it.
Pride might have started as a march, but it wasn’t always a parade, and God knows it started out as anything but fun.
As time went on, Pride began to take on a more positive and joyous tone, sending the message of self-love and acceptance to LGBTQ people that the world had always taught us not to feel. It was then, of course, that straight people decided this was fun and wanted to join in. We allowed them, seeing as creating unity between different groups was what we’d always wanted. Eventually though, y’all started getting a little too comfortable and began to feel a sense of entitlement in your place amongst the parade, and that’s what led us to where we are now.
Since many people like to think of Pride as a giant party — which in its own sense is ridiculously problematic given the rich history of the event — let’s go over some common rules that you would follow were you to attend a regular house party:
1. You are a guest, act like it.
You are not the host so you don’t get to make the rules. Please be respectful of them or else you may be asked to leave.
2. Not everyone you meet wants to be your friend.
You are going to meet a ton of new people while you are at the festivities and while everyone may be there to have a good time, that does not mean they want to talk to you. You’re not entitled to simply go up to a topless woman with paint on her boobs or a drag queen in a spectacular costume simply because they look fun. Always politely ask first if you can take a photo with them or give them a hug first like you would anywhere else.
3. Some spaces are simply off limits.
The same way your host might not allow people into their parents’ bedroom because it’s private, there will likely be certain spaces at Pride for queer women only or transgender people of colour only that others are not allowed in. It’s not that they’re talking shit about you behind your back in there or anything personal, it’s simply that some things are very private and they deserve to feel comfortable amongst themselves. There’s still tons of other fun places and things you can do at the party though!
4. Don’t be a buzzkill.
Pride can be a very educational time for most straight people. They get to converse with members of the LGBTQ community to learn about serious topics such as AIDS, homophobia, the coming out process, and other things, which I often enjoy speaking about. However, when I’m begrudgingly dropping my ass to a Chainsmokers song with a Jolly Rancher flavoured drink in my hand at a bar, it’s probably not the best time to ask me how my father reacted when I came out to him at age 15. There’s a time and a place, people.
5. Behave or leave.
It doesn’t get more simple than this. If you are acting inappropriately, making other people feel uncomfortable or straight up being disrespectful in anyway, we will waste no time kicking you out and you shouldn’t be surprised if you don’t get welcomed back. Have some respect.
These rules don’t just apply once a year during the Pride festivities. They are valid all year round whenever straight people are entering queer spaces. All too often we see straight girls showing up obliterated drunk to gay bars expecting to be the centre of attention. They treat their experience like a vacation, often demanding the DJ play their favourite songs or jumping on stage to join a drag queen while she performs in the middle of a show. To some of them we are merely zoo animals, existing only for their sense of amusement. To us though, they are poachers that come into our own homes looking to take what they want from us1 and leave.
I’m not saying that straight people shouldn’t attend Pride or gay bars, quite the opposite. Rather, we want you to come truly see the full extent of our world, and to get a more authentic understanding of exactly how we live our lives.
I remember four years ago, when I just had graduated high school, my friend was telling me about her first Pride and going to a gay bar. She told me how fun it was at first being surrounded by all these cute gay boys who were just dancing and having a great time around her. But then she suddenly began to start losing this joy when she noticed none of these boys wanted to dance with her, that they were more interested in dancing with themselves and paid her absolutely no interest. She told me how she felt rejected and lonely, like an outcast in the middle of a crowd. That’s when she looked at me and asked, “Jesse, is that what it feels like for you when you’re at dances?” In that moment, it clicked with her. She finally understood the feeling of being in a world where you’re not the normal one, that even when the people around you still accept you and like you, you still are not one of them. That’s the gay experience in one night.
Pride isn’t for everyone. It’s for the people who don’t get to feel proud of themselves the other 51 weeks of the calendar year. For seven days, we get to be the cool kids at the parties we were never invited to growing up. For just a moment we get to be our true selves to the fullest, or even be the person we’ve always wanted to be without the judgement of all those who don’t get it. But we want you to get it.
The first time, Pride should always feel a little awkward and uncomfortable for you. It isn’t something you’re used to and it should catch you off guard a little bit. That’s not a bad thing, new things normally feel strange at first, but sometimes you need that strangeness in your life. If you’ve never been before I strongly encourage you to come this year and I hope you like it. If you don’t that’s completely fine, Pride isn’t for everyone after all — and that includes fellow queer people. But please, don’t try to appropriate it just because you can’t appreciate it, it’s just fine the way it is.
Earlier, I mentioned how I was inspired to write this based on my straight friends being so opinionated regarding the police potentially not being allowed to march this year, but I held back my own opinion on the matter. If you’ve taken anything away from this it should be that I care more about the feelings and concerns of the members of my own community, whose voices are rarely heard, than those of outside onlookers who want a medal just for being a “pal”, so hopefully that should answer your question.
Pride has always been about marginalized communities refusing to settle for anything less than the dignity and respect we deserve and it shall always stay that way. And if that just so happens to put anyone off to the point that they don’t want to attend, that’s OK. The first Pride took place with just a street, a crowd of angry queer people and a pair of shoes. So, I think we’ll be just fine on our own.
