A Cultural Segregation of Love — A Pakistani-Canadian Perspective
I grew up in a Pakistani family, but I never imagined myself marrying into the same culture. I’ve always found it fascinating when a woman can explore options and find love beyond any racial differences. For Pakistani millennials like myself, social media makes it accessible to find people who share the same interests beyond our cultural values and norms. So what’s the big deal right? Well for most Pakistani-Muslim girls, interracial relationships are a pretty big deal.
If you’re wondering if Islam has anything to do with it, it doesn’t. In Islam, interracial marriages are totally acceptable. It’s the culture clash that gets in the way. And that’s got me thinking, if it isn’t about religion, what’s the issue?
Following that thought, I asked my parents what their opinion of interracial marriage is, and discovered that they actually don’t have a problem with it. They told me that as long as the person is Muslim, I can marry from any racial background. There is more of an emphasis on religion in my family than culture, which I know is not the case for many Pakistani girls. My family has become accustomed to Canadian ideologies, and they have realized that the diversity in Canada is a factor when choosing your spouse. I know many Pakistani girls out there are thinking I’m lucky, right?
Well yes, I am privileged to have liberal parents, but there’s also a burden on my side of the spectrum that no one thinks about: the backlash from the Pakistani community who are, to say the least, not so liberal. Just because my immediate family is open to the idea, doesn’t mean my relatives or my community will be. I’ll have to deal with my aunts saying, “are you sure you want to marry into that culture?” or “What if they make you -insert racial stereotype here-?”
The privilege of being allowed to marry into another culture comes with the burden of knowing that this is your decision. In the end, I am taking full responsibility and the consequences that follow are based on my decision. If my marriage crumbles, I will receive the “I told you so,” from my relatives. It’s hard enough starting a new life with someone while trying to become accustomed to different languages, food, clothes, and customs. Add another layer of negative commentary and gossip from others and you’re left asking yourself,
“Do I really love this person enough to deal with all of the consequences that come with our differences?”
For those of you that are struggling with this, I say to you, who cares. Who cares what people will say. This is your life and you must do what will essentially make you happy at the end of the day. Will it be hard? Yes. Will you feel uncomfortable when your in-laws are speaking a different language? Yes. Will you have to deal with the judgment of those who don’t understand? Yes. However, even with this fear, I still stand by it. I support interracial marriage, because I believe that I am defined by more than just my culture. Being in an interracial relationship doesn’t compromise your culture or beliefs. You are still you. Being with someone who truly loves you, and is willing to go through all of that with you, is worth the struggle. We all have the ability to love and that should transcend any expectations that stop us from loving people for who they are.
